“If you really love her, send her roses,” the advertisements proclaim. “Diamonds are forever.” “Say it with flowers.” Woman waits to receive, whereas man hunts an appropriate gift to present. The entire posits woman as object and man as subject. Worldly retailers may supply cards for those who do not identify within the heterosexist paradigm and those in unconventional relationships, but the current Valentine’s Day mostly celebrates the rigidly traditional relationship.
Valentine’s Day is an odd day to celebrate in general, though. The saints that have been named Valentine have no connection to romantic love. The majority were martyred during the early Christian period. The origins of Valentine’s Day as a celebration of romantic love are obscure. In my opinion, there are two paradigms with regard to Valentine’s Day.
The first is that of romantic love which first appeared in Parlement of Foules by Chaucer, which celebrated the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia. Given that Chaucer served the king as a customs official and diplomat, it is possible that the links between Valentine’s Day and romantic love may have been a nod to his patron. Anne of Bohemia is known to have travelled extensively with King Richard, which might be an indicator of a strong bond between the couple, as it was unusual behaviour at the time.
Today is the 37th anniversary of Roe v. Wade in the US. That was the decision to legalise abortion. Screaming fundie so-called prolifers have tried to overturn it but with little success.
In Ireland, there is also abortion. We don't talk about it. It's not covered by the media. It's difficult to access and only available to those with disposable income or the ability to get credit. And in this economy, who has access to these?
Women travel to the UK. Women get on buses, boats and planes to get a safe legal abortion. However, because of the secrecy, the stigma, the lies about post-abortion syndrome, the violent protesters, and the stench of corrupted Catholic morality lingering in most homes in Ireland, she goes it alone. No support, no counselling and no trust.
Women deserve better. Listen to Sonya Renee on the subject.
Aside from the facetious "killing babies" argument, spun by those who beat, tortured and raped children in their care, the principle argument against legalising abortion is that women who use it as a form of contraception and have sex with just anyone.
This argument springs from a paternalistic desire to control women's sexuality and choice. It posits the woman as a child and the advocate as just doing what's best for the woman because she cannot be trusted to make decisions about her own body. It is time, long past time that women's rights are respected as human rights. Women have the right to control their bodies. We have been doing it for centuries. I've written more on the subject here.
Historically women used herbs, potions or physical damage to terminate a pregnancy. (Indeed even today I know a woman who used an old Irish recipe to make sure she wouldn't get pregnant.) Pennyroyal, Black Cohosh, blue cohosh and juniper berries have all been used as abortificants but some work by poisoning those who ingest the herbs.
Safe and legal abortions is what is necessary. Criminalising abortion does not prevent abortion. Criminalisating abortion means that it is more difficult and costly to terminate a pregnancy and that people may resort to dangerous methods to do so.
Some 60% of young people want abortion legalised here, it has emerged.
According to a Red C poll in today's Irish Examiner, 10% of 18-34 year olds have been involved in a relationship where an abortion took place.
The only difference is that people are now reporting that they are pro choice. People want to live in a modern secular European democracy. Only with the waning of the power and stranglehold of Catholic Church has that become a real possibility.
There is one proven way to reduce the number of abortions and that is a two pronged strategy. Firstly, give children good sex education, rather than the stuttering "no one will marry you if you are not a virgin" rubbish that currently is being inflicted upon 17 year old students. It is too little and way way too late.
The second element of the strategy is to make contraception easily available and inexpensive. The price of condoms, the pill and other methods is ridiculous. In fact, Ireland is the most expensive country in the world for condoms. The morning after pill still requires a visit to the GP and the obligatory offensive"irresponsible behaviour lecture" by the doc and the pharmacist.
It's time to talk about the reality. These vids were made by the The Safe and Legal (in Ireland) Abortion Rights Campaign. Watch them.
Now you can take important action with them. The Campaign give you a number of options.
Edmund Burke was born today in 1729. He was an Anglo-Irish statesman, author, orator, political theorist, and philosopher. He is also the man who supposedly said: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." What he actually said was "When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle."
His philosophical and political writing are of most interest to me, so here are a few quotes:
It cannot at this time be too often repeated; line upon line; precept upon precept; until it comes into the currency of a proverb, To innovate is not to reform".
All who have ever written on government are unanimous, that among a people generally corrupt, liberty cannot long exist.
There is, however, a limit at which forbearance ceases to be a virtue.
Bad laws are the worst sort of tyranny.
Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.
I venture to say no war can be long carried on against the will of the people.
The tyranny of a multitude is a multiplied tyranny.
Corrupt influence, which is itself the perennial spring of all prodigality, and of all disorder; which loads us, more than millions of debt; which takes away vigor from our arms, wisdom from our councils, and every shadow of authority and credit from the most venerable parts of our constitution.
Coffined thoughts around me, in mummycases, embalmed in spice of words. Thoth, god of libraries, a birdgod, moonycrowned. And I heard the voice of that Egyptian highpriest. In painted chambers loaded with tilebooks. They are still. Once quick in the brains of men. Still: but an itch of death is in them, to tell me in my ear a maudlin tale, urge me to wreak their will.
Ableism is rife in our society and it's not hard to recognise. How many times have you heard someone use words like lame, mental, cripple and insane? You've probably used them yourself.
It's privilege in action. Unpacking and examining that privilege requires learning and behavioral change. You can start by reading this, this and this. Seriously, go and read.
I am disabled. I have severe clinical depression and PTSD as a result of rape, stalking, assault and other factors. I cannot cheer up or snap out of it. My brain chemistry has been altered. Telling me that you're sure I'll be better soon does not help either of us.
"Why don't you just stop taking the meds" is guaranteed a bitter laugh and possibly violent thoughts but no follow through. Taking anti depressants is the only reason I can get up in the afternoon or garden or blog or feed myself etc. The side effects or shitty but at least they allow me to function. I am lucky enough to have a medical card and a doctor that does not automatically think I'm imagining it. I am not going to give up the meds and please stop giving me advice on what you think I should do. That's between my doctors and myself.
Don't tell me to cheer up or that it will all be all right or any other well intentioned platitudes that serve no purpose apart from making me feel shitty and give you the vague sensation of having made a difference in the situation.
Finally before you tell a person to come off their medication or mention that people in Country A have a far worse time than in Country B and so your interlocutor has nothing to be depressed about, just think and then don't say it.
I don't choose to be depressed so don't insinuate that a have a choice.
Think about what you are about to say and feel free not to offer "helpful" advice or cures. Seriously. Just don't.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.
- Charles Dickens, A tale of two cities
2008 was the year I
was diagnosed with PSTD
had a nervous breakdown
spent most of the year depressed
started SSRIs
came home
was accused of being a male rapist by an online radical feminist
was beaten down
had a motorbike accident
started cutting
stopped cutting
started a new blog
admitted I needed help
discovered that my shrink was a conniving, manipulating fuckwad and fired her
stood up to bad doctors
had a friend almost die in my arms
organised and managed an international arts event
So yeah good times and bad times... Hope 2009 is better
Unbelievably the huge event that I've been preparing for what seems like forever is over. My feet ache and I still can't sleep but it's done. I haven't read a RSS feed in about a week and haven't had a good night's sleep in six months. All I want to do now to get a beer IV, all the quiches I can eat, and endless cigarettes. To vastly inflate my achievement, I draw comparisons between B5 and my situation. It's as if I had just defeated the Shadows and the Vorlons.
I fought an epic battle against the forces of ev0l - administrators, persnickity performance artists, misunderstandings, bureaucratic nightmares, developing world services.
On the side of the forces of good were myself, Misses B and A, and Messers H and N. We won but it was a tough battle. Imagine if B5 was run by Ivanova instead of Sheridan.
I am Ivanova in this scenario.
So the battle is won and my collapse is imminent. Just have to hold it together to send stuff home, pack, sell my belonging and get on the fucking plane.
Happy Human Rights Day. Happy 60th anniversary of the universal declaration of human rights! Today is the birthday of the UDHR, that magnificent document that spells out right for all humans. The language is not perfect but considering that it was written in 1948 and that it would not be signed by many countries these days, it will have to do.
Amazingly, human rights means rights for humans regardless of gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, skin colour, religion, gender identity, disabilities, economic status, body, legal status etcetera.
The UDHR has been signed by many countries but human rights abuses happen in every country. Yeah really. Have you ever been
Denied the right to marry your partner?
Subject to abuse because of your identity?
Denied medical care?
Denied birth control?
Suffered from discrimination?
Denied a purchase or rental property because of your sexual orientation?
Suffered gender or gender orientated violence?
Then your human rights have been abused. As with many things, knowledge is power. Get to know the UDHR, it may come in handy. Here's a link to posters, info sheets and more.
Just do something. Remember that these are our rights and they must be guarded.
They came first for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist; And then they came for the trade unionists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist; And then they came for the Jews, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew; And then they came for me... And by that time there was no one left to speak up.
Human rights are everybody's rights. You do not get to pick and choose. You do not get to take away other people's rights. Stand up for your rights. Stand up for my rights. Stand up for our rights.
Today is World AIDS day and not only that, it is also the 20th anniversary of the marking of World AIDS day. Things have changed since 1988. Myths have been debunked. Anti-retroviral drugs have had a huge impact on people who live with HIV. HIV is no longer a death sentence (in the rich part of the world) or a "gay" disease. Nevertheless, there are still so many misconceptions and wilful misunderstandings surrounding this virus.
I live in the developing world. I have known women who were chased out of their villages and made homeless because of their HIV status. Women have lost livelihoods - people will not use the service (in one case renting audiovisual equipment) because of HIV status. There is a lot of ignorance about the virus and how it is contracted.
This relationship between gender and HIV transmission is of particular interest to me. After he raped me, my rapist told me he was HIV positive. I don't know whether it was true or not. I don't know if it was just a power trip but I lived in fear for six months before getting a HIV test. The rape was traumatic enough but the added fear really fucked with my head.
I got the test and I was negative. Still it took me two years to be able to have sex again. I think that was more that HIV issue than the rape issue.
There is a common beliefin parts of Africaand Asia that sex with a virgin will cure HIV/AIDS. As a result young girls are being sold to rich men to "cure" HIV. Rape and sexual assault is rampant partly as a result of this belief. Child rape is one of the most ignored issues with regard to HIV.
Millions of dollars have been invested in HIV/AIDS education and the efforts are paying off as the infection rate is significantly reduced as a result. Anti-retroviral drugs are available and people are living with HIV/AIDS, not dying of because of inadequate care.
So while there is so much more to do, it is important to look back on what's been done over the past 10 years.
Here's some celebrity endorsement.
I end with a quote from a UNIFEM media advisory. I would quote it all because it is well worth reading. The gender implications of HIV/AIDS are too serious to overlook.
This year marks the 20th Anniversary of World AIDS Day. Looking back over the last 20 years, we see there has been progress-there is not only greater awareness of the gender dimensions of HIV and AIDS but also greater commitment to addressing these. But today, let us instead look forward, to what the world could look like 20 years from now, if we are able to deliver on these commitments. We would then have cause not just for commemoration but also for celebration.
Imagine a world where every woman who needs treatment, whether young or old, gets it; where women in all countries are allowed to inherit equally with men-in practice as well as in law; where women in all countries are aware about their rights to prevention, treatment and care, and are empowered to claim these rights; where HIV-positive women are shaping the policies that affect their lives and making decisions on policy priorities and budgets.
Imagine a world where every woman, young and old, lives without fear of violence, stigma or dispossession if she decides to seek an HIV test, or treatment, or support or information; where public health systems are fully funded and staffed and household care givers - mothers, grandmothers, sisters, wives, daughters - can keep their jobs or continue in school, rather than having to take on the never-ending care-giving tasks for families and communities.
What does it mean to deliver on our commitments so we can realize such a world? It means ensuring women's equal access to prevention, treatment and care, utilizing a range of different outreach strategies, including mobile health centers and waiver of user fees.
It's not a revolutionary concept any more but it does bear repeating since the message has no sunk in yet. There are men who ignore women yelling no at them. I've been that woman. I've yelled no. I've been ignored.
I'll eventually write a long post on what "no" means to me. It'll have to wait until I am back home and not sick and stressed out. Just thought this is appropriate for the day that it was.
I missed the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women because I've got dengue fever and can barely stay conscious. Watch the vids.
This year is the 60th anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Yes that's human rights which means rights for all humans. It does not mean rights for some.
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.
Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty.
Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.
Everyone has the right to security of person. Today is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Trans people are murdered because of other people's hate, other people's issues, other people's discrimination, other people's fear. This is a serious violation of trans peoples' human rights. Murderers are murderers. Hate crimes are hate crimes. Such violations of human rights should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
You should read these three posts in their entirety. I've just posted excerpts.
And yes, today we remember those of us still living--our fear, the fear that lives at the heart of every trans person, that someone will know that we are trans, and will kill us for it. Today we remember all the other times we murmured "oh fuck" as we read the news. Today we discover the deaths we missed, because we couldn't bear hearing about them anymore for awhile, even though we must. We must.
Sometimes we forget ourselves, you know. Sometimes we think that if we look like cissexuals, pass like them (are passed like them), that they must accept us. And we forget that it is only the fact that they have assumed we have the same gender history as them that keeps them from hating us.
We do not live fake lives. We do not live as nicknames, as aka. We live hard, we love hard--we have to. And we deserve to be mourned.
The Day of Remembrance is ours, and it is sacred. It is the one day we set aside to honor those in our community, overwhelmingly poor trans women of color, who were killed due to bigotry and hatred. It is a single day in the year where we make certain that the names of the murdered are heard and held up, so we can all remember that these people mattered, were real, were loved, and are missed. It's a day to gather the community together and call attention to the violence directed against us and the caring we have for each other. It came from us. It was built by us. It was never supposed to be flashy or glitzy. It is a solemn mourning for the dead, a place to hold hands, and a promise to those who violence took away from us that we who are still living will hold together, take care of each other, and push forward together into a world where that violence is only a painful memory.
We can do better than this, for our sacred dead. We can do better for ourselves. We need better than this.
I think of the families of those who have been killed. I think of them and I cry, because how do you cope with the knowledge that the world thinks it's OK to kill someone you love? How do you live with the knowledge that your neighbors and co-workers and the people who sit beside you every day on the way to work think that your daughter deserved to die? How do you ever have faith in anything, anyone again? How does the world ever make sense again?
It's far too easy for those who are not intimately involved to forget. Because it's too horrible to remember. It's too horrible to let yourself realize that yes, human life is so very very cheap to so many people. It's too horrible to let yourself realize that maybe YOU contribute to that attitude. But we cannot forget. We let these killings go unchallenged, unpunished -- a slap on the wrist is not a punishment. Finding a killer not-guilty because they freaked out over finding out their girlfriend had a penis is not justice. It's not acceptable. Full stop.
