It's not funny

Newton Emerson is a heteronormative, sexist, homophobic, condescending asshole, disguised as an unfunny and embarrassing "humourist". Of all the material available to riff on about the recession, Emerson chooses to show the world his emotional maturity. Epic Fail.

The article is aimed at the straightest, married couple ever. It places the white male as the default and women as the other. It assumes that all men are hetero. It plays into a backwards notion of patriarchy and control.

Satirising gender roles is hilarious when well done but all Emerson does is play tired stereotypes and lurid prose. I'm surprised the Irish Times published this shite.

Does the woman in your life really need a job?

Emerson seriously WTF? An article devoted straight partnered men who retain the 1950s attitude towards coupling? Yeah like we don't have enough of them.

Admittedly, this is not a fashionable question. From Iceland to Australia, men are blamed for causing the credit crunch, while a more feminine approach to finance is proposed as the solution.

What the fuck is a feminine approach to finance? Does he mean a female approach or a gender based approach? I think he's just pissed off at all those uppity women who dare to leave the house - shades of a former Flynn perhaps... In all his dick swaggering he fails to realise that he is outing himself as a whiny little boy who has yet to realise that having a penis does not make you a super special snowflake, entitled to be comforted over every little booboo.

Then there is the patronising:

Of course there will always be a place in the world of business for exceptional women. Women also have an important role to play in jobs that are too demeaning for men, like teaching.

Since when is teaching demeaning for men? I think the thousands of male teachers in Ireland didn't get that memo.

But the general employment of women is another matter. Indeed, working women almost certainly caused the credit crunch by bringing a second income into the average household, pushing property prices up to unsustainable levels.

Nope. Wrong again. The property developers and speculators pushed the property price up. The people that were putting Evian in their car radiators pushed the prices up. The greed in the banking, building and industrial sectors drove the prices up. Why think logically when you can blame half the population based on whether they possess a penis or a vagina?

Whether working women actually caused the credit crunch is now a moot point. The point is that removing women from the workforce would mitigate its effects.

Too much competition for you Emerson? Are You Robbed Of Your God-Given Right To Be A Dick?

Consider the issue of unemployment. There were 221,301 men on the live register last month and just under one million women in work.

What about the menz? Does gender equality hurt you poor baby?

Surely at least half these women have a partner who is earning? Surely at least half would be happier at home? One half of one half is a quarter and one quarter of a million is roughly 221,301. I think we can all see where this argument is going.

Yeah in the toilet. Your argument is a thinly disguised rant against those mean bitches who insist on being equal. Also your logic is not our earth logic. Assuming that all women are partnered and straight makes you an ignorant jackass as well.

...In short, women were the driving force behind the greed, consumerism and materialism of the Celtic Tiger years and it was female employment that funded their oestrogen-crazed acquisitiveness.

Just when I near the end of this piece of "journalism" Emerson decides to blame the recession on oestrogen. It's the MRA special. Blame the scary female hormones.

It's incredibly offensive, not to mention ignorant, to have our behaviour attributed to hormones. I am not blaming your testosterone for you being a sexist, homophobic jackass. That's just you.

The time has come to build a more sustainable, equitable and progressive society. Why not make a start by telling your other half to quit her job? She can ask you for the housekeeping on Friday.

Oooh! Did it take you long to come up with that zinger? You forgot to mention chaining her to the kitchen sink, barefoot and pregnant.

Satire is supposed to be funny and supposed to make a person think. Emerson, this falls flat.

You sir, are no Dermot Morgan.