Nov 19, 2008


It's killing me softly. I take a pill at 10pm and go to bed. I toss and turn for hours. I get out of bed to pee and to check that I took the right pill. Then I put on an audiobook because I know I'm in for a sleepless night. It's been five fucking months since I've had a good night's sleep. I don't smoke. I don't ingest caffeine after noon. I had access to prescription sleeping pills and I still can't sleep. I've gone to work with no sleep at all.

Predictably, I could sleep in work as I have to use toothpicks to keep my eyes open. I finish work in four weeks. I just hope I don't go even more insane in the meantime!


Lindsay said...

If sleeping pills aren't making you sleepy, have you tried something that has a non-drowsy version? I know some folks can have opposite reactions to certain things. Like, NyQuil doesn't make me sleepy, but DayQuil does. And Ritalin was the best sleep aid i've ever tried.

I do feel your insomnia pain. Had it like whoa when i was growing up; it didn't entirely disappear when i moved south (from Chicago to Atlanta), but it did get a whole lot better.

Mór Rígan said...

Great that you found something that works for you Lindsay. Unfortunately with me, my problem is that ambien worked in the past but my body is used to it now. I thinking now that it's just not worth going to bed only to toss and turn all night long.

I'm glad it got better for you. Long may it continue. It's such a particular type of pain. It's so hard to function without sleep. Maybe there's still hope for me!

petrona said...

This is a peculiar side effect of depression. Even though my depression has been under pretty good control for about four or so months now, I'll still have about four nights a week of really bad sleep. Apparently it's got to the point now where my body sees it as a habit. That said, it definitely happens more when I'm having a bad time of it, depression-wise.
Good luck with it - insomnia is incredibly debilitating.

Mór Rígan said...

Thanks petrona. It is amazing the difference a couple of hours make. It's the difference between zombie!me and stabby!me.

It's great you got your depression under control. Good luck with breaking the non-sleeping pattern!