Aug 1, 2009

Happy birthday to me

I'm not where I thought I would be at the age of 31. I thought my career would be soaring and I'd be well on my way to that job I've always wanted - political officer at the UN.

Instead, I'm living in my parents' holiday home, on social welfare and disabled with PTSD manifesting in serious depression and insomnia. I have no career. I can get it together enough to write a few rants and to garden a little but it's not what I wanted. It's not what I planned.

I just have to accept that things are different now. I've got to give up my plans and ambitions. I've got to focus on things besides self-harm. I've got to work within my limitations. It would make me so angry if I could feel it, if the drugs didn't work. I am limited by my mind and body. It's not fair but it's the way it is.

Happy birthday to me.


whatwas said...

The age of 31 can be great.
Have fun!

Mór Rígan said...

Cheers whatwas!